Let The Genie Out Of The Bottle.

Oh well! No use me asking myself what the hell have I done, as it's too late to turn back the clock.
The Genie is well and truly out of the bottle now.

God alone knows where this is going to lead to now. But I now have a Facebook page, see badge in side column at the bottom. I have left the page open, so that anyone can walk in there.
Add to that that I have networked my blog to my Facebook page and hey-ho the Genie is out, loud and proud......ok maybe not exactly proud, but sure as hell out there.

But I still haven't found what I'm looking for, trouble is that there isn't enough time to find my way out of this fog of confusion.
In my head at times I know what I want, but then life seems to get in the way and the bloody clock is ticking away my life so quickly. 40 is rapidly approaching like a bloody army on the march and everywhere I look it is young women, no one seems to be my age. Fuck is 40 old these days...I do feel old.
So I'm thinking that all the men are after a younger woman and not someone of my age, which is putting me off a lot.

I'd like a Master, but that army just keeps bloody marching on & on & on & ...........
I have been approached a couple of times, but feel that it might be because of my age they think I will be easy..... well that's just not true and despite any feelings I may have for wanting to be dominated, I have not and never will be some easy lay for someone to notch up on their bedpost.

I'm a lady and intent to stay that way. Outside of a bedroom I expect to be treated as such, as well. It's very off putting when they come straight in for the kill. I don't know maybe I got this wrong, not having any one to talk this over with is possibly where I am going so wrong!!!!!!!
Although I do know that I am an old fashion girl...maybe that's not how a Master treats is girl.

Oh well! No use me asking myself what the hell have I done as it's too late to turn back the clock.
The Genie is well and truly out of the bottle now.

NOTE TO SELF.....remember your a Lady and stop swearing, most unfeminine. (even if you do feel a post calls for it).

Joining Some Sites ,Reading, Confusion, Cravings

I have joined a couple of sites and been all over the net looking for god knows what exactly.
Release I think.

I can't keep this in any longer, I have to find away to release all the pent up heat.
I want a man to take me and take me till my will breaks and caves to his.


I guess I am confused..............a lot, and scared....................... a little.

I have read a lot of blogs and realise that there are a lot of very, very expert men out there, true Masters.

Even just writing this and thinking about some of them I am getting a tingle, my nipples are growing hard and I am sucking my fingers on my right hand after I have just slipped them into my hot wet hole.

There is a Master out there for me, ones whose feet I can knee at, whose cock I can crave and whose Mastery of me will enslave me to him. When he selects me, he will find that while I want to be his pleasure slave and do his bidding that I expect, knowing me I will be a total pain and hard work. But I so want to try.

I know that I don't just want to be spanked, that's just a small part of what I want.

Oh the confusion is driving me mad...what is a girl to do?

About Me.

I have no idea where to start.
I want to be as honest as possible.
I need to keep my anonymity.
I am a female.
I am 38.
I have three children.
I don't know how to tell him I want more than he is giving me.
I have totally different sexual needs to him.

I like being spanked, and I want more.
BDSM turns me on, a lot.
I would love to have a Master, who would totally dominate me.
I think the fantasy of being owned will always remain just that, a fantasy.

Beginning

This feels like virginal territory and rebirth for me right now.
How do I make contact with like minded people?
Where do I go from here?
How do I find a Master, who would understand that leaving my family is not at this moment in time possible?
And yet: I long to be owned and submissive!!!!!

So This Is Me.

So this is me and here I am.

This blog is about my life, such as it is,
built on a foundation of lies, lies and more.

You see there is very little that is the truth in my life.

Here is the truths:-

I am a mum of 3.
I live in London.
I live with my partner while I love very much does not give me what I need and I have no way of telling him and explaining it to him as he has already said that it is NOT what he wants.

So far so good, well goodish haha.

There are reasons why I lie and although I know that people will judge me, maybe they should hold back at first and wait to find out why my whole life is a lie.

It's not as simple as I got up one morning and thought "How best can I ruin my own life?"

There were other people in this big fat life, that is my life, but they are all dead now and I am the only one left standing. Except my older brother, who warned me against this lie and it's consequences, the only one who tried to protect me from it all, for my own sake. However even he believes that it has gone too far now to turn back the clock and put it all right.
There are people who would be deeply hurt if the truth was revealed. Damage to innocent people who don't deserve it.